Discreet Moments
Discreet Thoughts
An Auto-Biography
(kind of)
by S.Sivasankaran (since 19.12.2014)
To my family circle: I am known as ‘Sankar’
To my friends and/or official circle, I am known as ‘Siva’
To my social media and/or other platforms, personal blogs, I
am either known as ‘Singai Siva’ ‘Singai Sivas’ or ‘Solaiyooran’.
Date of commencement of this document: 19 Dec 2014
Day of Completion:
Disclaimer
a)
Title above can change in future, in the course
of time. For now I thought of ‘Discreet
Moments Discreet Thoughts’; Let it be so.
b)
If enough masalas or ingredients are added here
and there according to each episode, it can very well be enacted as a drama
(can well be dramatized I mean).
c)
I may, or, may not be part of these episodes as
a character; it’s only a sheer collection of events that I have had to
encounter in my life.
d)
This is in no way to hide facts or insinuate an
amount of insult or blame on any one who was associated with those incidents
(who may live now or might even be dead as of writing these).
e)
Any reference to historic incidents linking
individuals - living or dead – is just a reference point. No way that I am keen
to put blame or insult to anyone. Any untoward connotations or anecdotes
towards any individual is purely for identifying that character, not
necessarily to point a finger at for their deeds or no deeds, honestly.
Dedication
In no particular order, I would like to dedicate this
summation or collection to many people – living or dead – more particularly:
a)
I would name at the foremost is my beloved
Sister, (Late) S. Janaki who has been a mother-figure to me. No more
elaborations for the reasons and circumstances why I chose my sister ahead of
my parents, it would be evident in the course of reading this book. May her
soul Rest in Peace.
b)
Secondly, my dedication goes to my mother, Mrs. S.
Pattammal alias Rukmani (also knows as ‘Pattu’ from her maternal hierarchies of
relationships). My memories of my
biological mother figure is very limited to less than handful of events that I
can vividly recall that someone was next to me showing her affection or doing a
mundane daily routine where I was a character in that episode. Other than this, but for the stories I heard
through my elders in the family – both paternal and maternal hierarchies together
– I don’t have much to say about my mother. Hence no more elaborations here
too. May her soul Rest in Peace.
c)
Thirdly in line comes my father, (Late) Shri K S
Sundaresan (aka) ‘Varen’ Sundaresa Iyer. Oh Appa, May your soul Rest in Peace.
Should I mention anything here, specifically, yes, I would. To a greater
extent, the inspiration I have had many a times in life you have been one of
the key contributor for the person I stand here as ‘Sankar’. I don’t want to be
yet another ‘ungrateful’ man, I must honestly admit I owe this life to you too,
period.
d)
Fourth, I would name my elder brother, Mr K S
Krishnamoorthy (aka) Kannan (in the family circles) who is popularly known by
his initials and as I always preferred to address him as ‘KSK’. I need to elaborate here a bit to show my
sincere intimacy and affection I hold towards him, come what may on earth, I
owe this life to him for what I think or accept that I have been blessed with.
There were several bits and pieces of events of setbacks and negative scenarios
that have occurred over the past several decades. However, I would not meet my destiny and
would be considered a ‘ungrateful’ or ‘thankless b……d’ if I don’t mention him
in my dedication. Whatever that has
transpired between me and him over these decades (or the lack of it visibly to
my fellow family members), the love and affection that I have had towards him
can never be explained in few sentences or words. That’s deep rooted in my soul, if I must be
honest (Not sure if he would ever get a chance to read this write-up, one day
into the future, but my eyes roll into tears thinking of him and our mutual
association and interactions). But for him or his earnest efforts to support me
all along since my childhood or teenage days, I am a non-entity per se. Nothing more nothing less. My dear KSK,
wherever you are now by the time you read this, forgive me for whatever
misgivings or miscommunications we would have had; excuse me for any misconduct
in the course of my physical or verbal interactions with you. Many a times, I recall, we chose not to see
each other right upfront – face to face I mean – yet, we know deeply in our
minds and thoughts that we love each other, we respect and regard each other
like no other brothers would have ever lived their life. At time of penning these, I profoundly
prostrate unto your feet seeking your utmost blessings, and forgiveness. I
don’t know what to ask here, I have no way to recollect any appropriate phrase
in English to express myself ‘Sorry KSK, honestly I would have deliberately or
sub-consciously hurt you by my words or deeds, here and there, on several
moments of our living together that we have chosen, that’s purely because of
our beloved spouses, and a biological sisters too, Padma and Malathi, without
whom we would not have thought of living together, without whom we both would
not have achieved in life what we think we have achieved in life together,
jointly or severally, that way, this dedication list goes to Padma and
Malathi. I may not have chosen Padma
individually here as a recipient of this ‘dedication’ but I admit, when I say
KSK, by and large, it implies Padma too. Ha, I might be considered playing it
safe, Padma!!
e)
Last but not the least, I would dedicate to this
to my spouse and long term life partner in Mrs. Malathi Sivasankaran, who has
been my ‘everything’ from my early life as one may call it ‘matured phase of my
life term’. She has been literally my
‘everything’ the other soul that has enlivened and has always been part of me,
day in and day out, regardless where I/we lived, most of my active working life
has been away from her. This is no exaggeration that, as of today, we have
crossed that golden milestone of a ‘silver jubilee year’ post-marriage, yet,
nearly 3/4th or 2/3rd as one can relate to, we lived on a
compulsive or obliged to live so, due to my work nature, as I have always been
roaming around to make a living to sustain me and my family.
f)
To be honest, there is another soul, whom I
would dedicate this to, for confidentiality, I would not name that individual,
but I always mean it. Sorry that I
cannot identify that person, but come what way, let it be so. If at all that other individual happens to
read this, let him/her realize the facts as to why I chose him/her as one of
the ‘dedication’ segment. I chose not to
name, but, I owe this partly to that soul.
I must be honest at least to that extent when I call this as my
auto-biography, indeed. I would be blamed or shown fingers at, I would be least
bothered of the repercussions that this may lead to, but fact is fact, if
someone has shown his/her utmost care towards me rather than what he/she got
from me in return, my destiny and days of my soul reaching its ‘Swarg’ or
‘Narag’ (if at all one such exists in the galaxy of Logas as is mentioned in
our Hindu Mythology or Puranic verses) in the hereafter would not be smooth,
unless I dedicate this to him/her. God knows, and that person knows, that’s
enough for me!!
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